Rod Blagojevich One-Liners--Funny Jokes Of The Day

Rod Blagojevich One-Liners 

Q: What's a good christmas present for Rod Blagojevich? 

A: A Good Lawyer! 

Q: What will Governor Blagojevich do after getting kicked out of office? 

A1: Become the official Lego Hair model. 

A2: Get fired again by Donald Trump on Celebrity Apprentice! 

A3: Host of the game show "Let's Make A Deal" 

Q: How is Governor Blagojevich's dream similar to the one by Martin Luther King Jr? 

A: Who knows, but for $100 he will tell you about it! Statement: Time magazine reports that Governor Blagojevich has an approval rating 4%. That's with a margin of error of 5%. Punchline: This means he could actually disapprove of himself. 

Q: When federal agents arrived at Governor Blagojevich's house how much time did he need before being arrested? 

A: 5 minutes to pack up his things and 4 hours to brush his hair! 

Q: What is Governor Blagojevich's real last name? 

A1: Bla-son-of-a-bitch 

A2: Bla-just-go-with-it 

A3: BraggingBitch 

Q: Rod Blagojevich was arrested for trying to sell a United States senate seat to the highest bidder, what happens next? 

A: Blagojevich will go to prison where his seat/ass will be sold to the biggest bidder! 

Q: What did Rod Blagojevich say when Barack Obama called on him to resign? 

A: "Only if the price is right!" 

Q: How did federal agents determine Blagojevich has a long history of bribes and kickbacks? 

A: They searched his hair! 

Q: Why did NBC change their minds about having Blagojevich appear on "I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here!"? 

A: Because they thought he would be better represented on "The Biggest Loser"! 

Q: What is the title to the new tell-all Rod Blagojevich book? 

A: "The Idiot's Guide To Becomming Governor Of Illinois" 

Omid Djalili Stand Up Jokes

Omid Djalili Stand Up Jokes 

I would first point out that laughing can actually save you money. Did you know that a belly laugh is, physiologically, the same as 20 minutes of yoga?

So when my manager Nigel fell over and hit his head on the ironing board, I lost 5lb. And giggling uncontrollably for five minutes is as good as running on a treadmill for half an hour. So when I was teaching my son to ride his bike and he flew over the handlebars into a tree, 

I laughed so hard I'm now thinking of becoming a swimwear model. I've been hit by the comedy crunch. 

I invested all my jokes in Jonathan Ross So if you keep laughing, you can almost certainly save money and ditch that gym membership. 

The Government are always telling us we've got to eat at least five fruit or veg a day or we will die. Isn't it time we had a daily laughter allowance? I would recommend at least five smiles a day and two giggles if one is to maintain a healthy outlook on life. 

There was a shipwreak, in a lifeboat in the middle of the pacific ocean there was an Indian, an Arab and an Iranian. 

A shark swam up up, ate the Arab, ate the Iranian, went up to the Indian but turned and swam away. The Indian prayed to god 'Oh God why did you save me?'. The shark said ' I had one of you last year and my a'rse is still burning.

 I was once Asked to become a jehovah's witness. I said I did not see the accident. 

Most people only associate the middle east with oil and phlegm and halitosis. I'm joking, I'm joking we're running out of oil. 

Knock Knock Music Jokes--Cute Knock Knock Jokes

Knock Knock 

Who's There?

 Ahmed Ahmed who? 

Ahmed the payphone trying to call home. 

All of my change I spent on you. 

Knock Knock 

Who's There? 

Daisy! 

Daisy who? 

Daisy me rollin, they hatin 

Knock Knock 

Who's There? 

Wendy! 

Wendy who? 

Wendy wind blows de cradle will fall. 

Knock Knock 

Who's There? 

Britney Spears! 

Britney Spears who? 

Knock Knock 

Who's There? 

Oops I did it again 

Knock Knock

 

Who's There? 

Usher! 

Usher who? 

Usher wish you would let me in. 

Knock Knock 

Who's there? 

Hello! 

Hello who? 

Hello from the other side I must've called a thousand times. 

Knock Knock Food Jokes

Knock Knock Food Jokes

Knock Knock!

Who's there? 

Noah Noah who? 

Noah good place to eat! 

Knock Knock! 

Who's there?

 Honey! 

Honey who? 

Honey I'm home. 

Knock Knock! 

Who's there? 

Cook! 

Cook who? 

I'm not crazy, you are. 

Knock Knock! 

Who's there? 

Thermos! 

Thermos who? 

Thermos be a better knock knock joke than this. 

Knock Knock! 

Who's there? 

Isma Isma who? 

Isma lunch ready yet. 

Knock Knock! 

Who's there? 

U-8 U-8 who U-8 my lunch. 

Knock Knock 

Who's There? 

Gorllia Gorllia Who? 

Gorllia Sandwich, 

I`m Hungry 

Knock Knock! 

Who's there? 

Cash! 

Cash who? 

I should've guessed your some kind of nut. 

Knock Knock 

Who's There? 

Butter!

 Butter who? 

I butter tell you a few more knock knock jokes. 

Knock Knock Geography Jokes--Cute Knock Knock Jokes

Knock Knock Geography Jokes

Knock Knock 

Who's there? 

Texas! 

Texas who? 

Texas are getting higher every year! 

Knock Knock 

Who's there? 

Tibet! 

Tibet who? 

Early Tibet and early to rise! 

Knock Knock 

Who's there? 

Toronto! 

Toronto who? 

Toronto be a law against 

Knock Knock Jokes 

Knock Knock 

Who's there? 

Tripoli! 

Tripoli who? 

Tripoli play!

Knock Knock 

Who's there? 

Tunis! 

Tunis who? 

Tunis company, three's a crowd! 

Knock Knock 

Who's there? 

Turin! 

Turin who? 

Turin to a vampire on Halloween! 

Knock Knock 

Who's there? 

Turkey! 

Turkey who? 

Turkey that falls off the bone. 

Knock Knock 

Who's there? 

Uruguay! 

Uruguay who? 

You go Uruguay and I'll go mine! 

Knock Knock 

Who's there? 

Uruguay! 

Uruguay who? 

I'm not a gay...

Uraguay! 

Knock Knock 

Who's there?

Uganda! 

Uganda who?

Uganda get away with this! 

Knock Knock 

Who's there? 

Utah! Utah who? 

Utah sight. 

Outta mind. 

Knock Knock 

Who's there? 

Utica! Utica who? 

Utica the high road. 

I'll take the low road. 

Knock Knock 

Who's there? 

Venice. 

Venice who? 

Venice your mom getting home? 

Knock Knock 

Who's there? 

Yemen! 

Yemen who? 

"Why don't Yemen keep it down, we're trying to sleep." 

"What do Yemen? 

(You Mean -Justin Bieber)" 

Impatient cow--Cute Knock Knock Jokes

Impatient cow

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Boo.

Boo who?

Gosh, don’t cry it’s just a knock knock joke.

Knock, knock.

Who’s There?

Impatient cow.

Impatient cow wh-?

Mooooo!

Knock, knock

Who’s there?

A little old lady.

A little old lady who?

I didn’t know you could yodel.

Knock, knock

Who’s there?

Sadie.

Sadie who?

Sadie magic word and watch me disappear!

Knock, knock,

Who’s there?

Olive.

Olive who?

Olive you!

Will you remember me in 2 minutes?

Yes.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Hey, you didn’t remember me!

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Justin.

Justin who?

Justin time for dinner.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Kirtch.

Kirtch who?

God bless you!

Romantic Knock Knock Jokes--Cute Knock Knock Jokes

Romantic Knock Knock Jokes

  Let's read Cute Knock Knock Jokes about Best Knock Knock Joke Ever, Knock Knock Fun

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Isabell.

Isabell who?

Is a bell working?

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Tank.

Tank who?

Your welcome!

Knock, knock

Who’s there?

Alex.

Alex who?

Alex-plain later!

Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Ketchup.

Ketchup who?

Ketchup with me and I’ll tell you!

Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Annie.

Annie who?

Annie body home?